An Interview with Ellen M. DuBois, Author of I Never Held You


As the author, how would you describe your book?
I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, grief, blame, letting go and moving on, is truly a work of the heart. Having experienced a miscarriage myself ten years ago, I know the pain that women experience after a miscarriage. At that time, little support was available. Thankfully, there's a lot more today in terms of information and support groups on the Internet— things I didn't have access to all those years ago. Time has taught me that my grief was very real, needed to be acknowledged, and that I could, in fact, move on with my life. However, when I needed something to read other than a 'cold' doctor's office pamphlet, there was nothing to be found. Hence, the birth of this short but poignant book, which offers a personal account of my miscarriage, the feelings associated with it, and advice from one who knows towards your own healing and recovery. I truly hope this work reaches those who need it.

What was your goal in writing this book?
My goal is to offer something to women who've suffered miscarriages and need help, support, acknowledgment of their grief, and advice. None of us are alone in our suffering, and there is hope. I want to show that hope, through example—that example being my own experience and what time has taught me. Keeping it 'all inside' serves no other purpose than to hurt you. It's very important that those who have miscarried realize that we all share the pain and it's not to be discarded or diminished. The only way to move on is to feel, grieve, and let go without having someone telling you to 'just forget it.'

Can you tell us something about you as a writer, i.e. when you started writing, what's your creative process is like, what inspires you, etc.?
I've been writing since I was a child. I always found that expression came easily through writing. Starting with letters back and forth between my father and I when we had 'disagreements,' poetry, lyrics, and working as a writer for the local town paper, I've never stopped. I've recently completed a full-length fictional novel entitled Jackie's Heart, of which I'm very proud because I actually FINISHED! I am rather prolific in my writing and it's very important to me that what I write serves a purpose—primarily reaching out to and helping others. There's a lot of darkness on this planet and an overall feeling of disconnection. If my words somehow shine a little light upon others and enhance rather than diminish our connection, I know I've done what's in my heart and have fulfilled part of my plan.

How do you keep a balance between family, work, and your writing?
With no children, I suppose I have it easier than some. I dedicate many hours during the day towards my writing and on occasion, some evenings. Sometimes, if the moment 'hits' me, I write no matter the time. However, my fiance and I manage to balance things out just fine. Evenings are usually spent relaxing together over a good movie and spending 'quality time' with my little buddy, Baron the Dachshund.

Can you tell us something about you as a person?
I am one of those people who has her faults and weaknesses like anyone else, but also realizes her strengths. I tend to see more of the good in people than the bad and am very, very spiritual in nature. I believe that we are all connected by a Divine thread and feel, truly feel one another's pain and joy. Some people tend to think I am too trusting of others, but that isn't so. I just don't judge. If someone is different, it doesn't mean they're 'bad.' If I don't know someone, it doesn't mean they're strange or untrustworthy. We are all much more alike than we realize. That doesn't mean I open myself up to the world and put myself in potentially dangerous situations; rather, I smile if someone looks like they need one; am not afraid to pick up the cane of an old stranger who dropped it; and feel that by doing little things like that, the world is a tiny bit better off for it. Just imagine if everyone felt like that... Imagine.

If you had a chance to be mentored by one author (living or dead), who would you choose and why?
That's a tough question because there are so many authors I respect and admire. In keeping with the spiritual aspect of myself, I'll say this: The Wisdom of Florence Scovel Shinn is probably one of the most powerful, meaningful books I've ever read, (and re-read), and it has had a significant impact upon my life.

Despite the wisdom that says you can't take it with you, if you could take four things with you when you leave this world, what would they be?
I wouldn't need to take anything with me because I believe that everything I could ever want or need would be there already. Everything I loved while here would simply be magnified a hundred-fold or more.

What is your view of epublishing? What opportunities does it provide for you and for other authors? What do you think is the future of epublishing?
I believe epublishing to be the 'door that never was' for aspiring authors like myself. I can view it as nothing but a significant opportunity to get my work out. The future of it? Like anything, it's anyone's guess...but, look at how computers have evolved and the roles they play in our lives each day. If that's any indication of the future of e-books, then we've got a lot to look forward to.

What other published works do you want us to know about?
I am published in More God Allows U-Turns, Barbour Publishing, (Promise Press), with my piece, The Angel in the Dumpster. I have two books, one a collection of poetry and the other a fictional novel under agreement. My essays and poetry are scattered about the Internet on various websites and ezines. My account of my own battle with anxiety will be in Slaying the Dragons-Stories of Triumph over Anxiety Disorders—slated to be published this year (Jenna Glatzer of Absolute Write). Spiritual Visitations, (Heather Froeschl, Editor, The Quilldipper)—slated to be released this year with my pieces entitled Questions to David and The Thin Veil.

What projects are you currently working on ?
I am working on a fictional manuscript entitled Beyond Words. What does a couple do when they are beyond words? This is a story of two ordinary people faced with extraordinary challenges; the worst being infidelity. Can a couple survive after such a violation of trust? How? This book delves head first into each character—how they feel, react, and survive. I love this project and know, (sadly), that it's one many can relate to. However, I want the hope to shine through—not just the darkness. The effort of rebuilding trust and the success in achieving that is the primary purpose of this work.